Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
