he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
