he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
