there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
