in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
