I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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