From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
