I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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