I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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