Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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