feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
