i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
