just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
