I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
