Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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