I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
