Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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