Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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