we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
