Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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