so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
