i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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