Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
