Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
