Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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