Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
