I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
