I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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