Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
