I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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