The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
