i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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