Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
