i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
