dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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