she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
