It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
