I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
