can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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