Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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