Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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