I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
