just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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