A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
