she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
