By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize