In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
