How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
