I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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