Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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